After years of putting it off, I finally decided to share my story as an autism momma. If this is your first time reading, start here. Unfortunately with a server crash this week, all of my comments were lost from the last six weeks. :( I am most sad about that for this series. The comments have been amaaaaazing! Thank you! I’d love to hear more from you, email me.
…….there have been some big exciting/hard milestones in J’s journey. When I first started reading about how to help my son progress, I kept seeing the age of five over and over again. The brain is malleable until the age of five. There is a lot that can be done before the age of five. As long as you get in there (wherever “there” is) before five, he will be fine. So the pressure was on to push our little man as hard as we possibly could until that magical birthday.
As he inched closer and closer to the big 0-5, I became more and more frantic internally. What if he wasn’t better? What if he hadn’t progressed much? What next?
I think you might guess what happened next. He turned five. Yep, just like everyone else.
And he was the same as the day before he turned five. Just like everyone else.
On the inside, I was freaking out. We had done it…crossed that magical age and his brain was still….his brain. But now, not malleable anymore?
This was around the time that we started to think about J’s placement in kindergarten. Back when he was diagnosed, I thought by five he would be mainstreamed. He might need a little extra help, but he would be able to function in a typical class. But when the time came to actually make a decision, we knew he was not ready to be mainstreamed.
*Let me just insert here- when Josh and I were first married I was a teacher’s aide for two kids with Down syndrome in a typical class. They were ten and in the second grade at a very unique school called the Open Classroom. It was a challenge every time I stepped foot in the class with those boys. There were lots of tears shed. But I also loved them. I got excited when they learned new concepts or made good choices with their peers. I mention this only to note that I know mainstreaming can be done and can be done well. It was heart breaking to come to the decision not to put J in a typical class. I so wanted to believe that he would be ok there. But he needed too many modifications and I knew in my heart that mainstreaming wasn’t appropriate for him.
It was with great trepidation that I dropped my son off for his first day in a special day class. Although I was nervous, J did have shadows with him from our home program (the 40 hour a week one) that were always with him. They were there to help reinforce what was being learned at home as well as help transition him into a school setting.
Luckily for J, his kindergarten teacher didn’t hold his huge file with lots of legal mumbo jumbo and fights over him. She, like everyone who gets to know him, grew to love him. Kindergarten was pretty successful overall….the next year? That’s a whole different story…….
Niki says
I just read your postings and saw all the pics of JJ when he was little, he is sooo stinkin’ cute! I truly miss seeing him everday he is so full of life! What struggles you have had to deal with just getting services for him, it is a bummer that the system works in such a hard way. What happened in 1st grade? I am glad kinder was great ; )
You are amazing btw! I have 3 kiddos now and I don’t know how you have the time for all this!
marisa says
I know how you feel about starting a special day class. Our son is 10 now, high functioning autism, and he was placed in a special day class when he was 4. Hardest thing for me. But he is now in a full inclusive classroom with a para educator most of the day.
We know what’s best for our children it’s just not always easy :)
lauren@warmandfuzzy says
Oh wow, you had me holding my breath reading the entire thing Mique! What a sweet boy he must be and I have never even met him. I am glad that you had the experience of working with other children with special needs and that you still were able to recognize what was best for your child over what may have been expected. I think that is my biggest issue with some of my parents- pushing their children to be fully mainstreamed b/c it makes “them” feel better instead of what is “best” for their child and what makes them “better children.” KWIM? I love reading your series. I am so sorry you lost all of your emails and comments.
Amanda says
I think it was very brave of you to make that decision, as his mother you know your child best, and what is and isn’t suitable for him. I wish I could be a clear headed, when it comes to making decisions regarding my kids, thank you for sharing.
Heather G. says
Oh no…..what happened the next year? :( Hugs to you and J!